Hi! I’m Darla, an experienced PK-12 music educator, college professor, and former Berklee College of Music Dean looking to connect with teachers, parents/caregivers, and others seeking to advance creative music making for today’s students—and their teachers. In Darla Hanley’s Music Room you will find teaching strategies, advice and teaching tips, playlists, and more.
No Regrets
© 2026 Darla S. Hanley
Have you ever wished you did or said something after its window of opportunity closed? Um, I have.
I wish I said how I felt that day; offered words of appreciation, kindness, or praise to my friends more often; and/or could let that go. I wish I could play the piano, speak multiple languages; and I wish I stayed in touch with more of my classmates over the years. I wish I did or could so many XYs and Zs… you get the idea. The question is: What do I do with these wishes, right? Are they regrets? Do they make me feel bad—or are they simply life’s reflections and human nature? Hmm.
I see life filled with opportunities—and decisions. We make choices every single day that impact our actions—including how we interact with others and the world. If you’re like me, these decisions are often spontaneous but are informed by years of education and professional and life experiences. Yet, sometimes we look back on things and really do feel a sense of sorrow, disappointment, or remorse over something that happened—or didn’t happen. This is where regrets come in. According to AI and my mother (lol), there are 4 main categories of regrets: 1.) Foundational; 2.) Boldness; 3.) Moral; and 4.) Connection.
Foundation Regrets are about early choices and/or a lack of diligence that snowball over time and impact what happens later (“I should have done the work”);
Boldness Regrets come from missed opportunities or failing to take a leap (“I should have taken the chance”);
Moral Regrets involve remorse regarding doing the wrong thing or failing an ethical standard (“I knew better, and should have done the right thing”); and
Connection Regrets focus on relationships that were lost because 2+ people failed to reach out or respond to maintain and sustain a connection (“I should have made an effort to stay in touch”).
These 4 categories frame regrets as making foundational choices, not taking a risk or doing the right thing, and losing touch with people. They are about hindsight and reflection—which always seems clearer than what’s happening in the moment. So true!
Okay, why am I talking about regrets and how does this link to music teaching? When I think about regrets as a music teacher I keep going back to the same idea:
As music teachers, we should have no regrets (in any category)
about the work we do for and with students.
So, if this is even possible (lol), we need to bring our best self and work to school every day—and be able to say “my students are better because of my influence!”. This is not arrogant. Rather, in my view, this is an honest reflection and recognition of the power and influence every teacher can have on hundreds or thousands of students over the course of a career. This is important. It’s the gig and very likely what called us to the work. If we bring our “A Game” there’s no room for regret. My best is my best. And that’s all I can ask of myself (lol).
About now, you’re probably thinking about some of your own Foundational Regrets. Great! However, I want to clarify that a decision made early on in a life or career was very likely made by applying your best thinking and analysis at that moment. Here, I posit that the framing of these choices is about giving yourself grace for a lack of experience or understanding back then. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could play the piano now (lol) but a younger me made a decision to not spend the time honing those skills—and I respect that.
Needs and Wishes
When we really think about it, our students probably spend more quality time in school—with teachers—during their formative years than they do with their families. They rely on teachers for information, guidance, support, compassion, empathy, and SO much more. And we all know that students sometimes take all of this for granted. They need and teachers give.
Today, I also want to be sure I emphasize that teachers need, too… What is the phrase spoken by flight attendants? Put your own oxygen mask on before you assist a child. We need to remember that—and not have regrets or feel badly when we take a break or engage in real self-care. I’ll leave this idea here before I get higher on a soapbox and derail my plot (lol).
Another significant way I think about regrets is through the lens of wishes. I wish for big things like world peace, equity, and kindness. I also wish for things that come with privilege like finding all of the ingredients I want at the farmer’s market every time or paying less for essentials. And I have SO many wishes for students! Come on— (lol) this wishlist is L-O-N-G! Check out my “Top 25” and see if any of this resonates.
I wish my students:
Are fully present in their education
Always do their best
Dream big
Experience the joys of music making every day
Explore the world around them and identify personal strengths and preferences
Express themselves
Feel loved
Feel seen, heard, and valued
Focus on both macro and micro
Find music class as compelling as their phone (lol)
Freely move and groove to the beat of their own drum
Get to be kids
Have confidence
Have no stress or anxiety
Hit a home run once in a while
Identify as artists
Laugh throughout the day
Listen attentively and critically
Look forward to something
Play (in every way)
Practice (and enjoy it!)
Rest
Support each other (more)
Take risks because they feel safe enough to try
Use their imagination
What would happen if all 25 of my wishes for students came true? Could they? I think teachers and students work in collaboration—in tandem. I also think the 25 wishes listed above happen with vision, strategic planning, trust, and permission. Inviting and encouraging students to do and experience… you get it.
In closing, I want to underscore one more important concept. When I’m talking about regrets and wishes I’m not dismissing or excluding the ideas of wanting to improve, grow, and develop (lol)—and feeling good about ourselves at every stage. We all want those things, right? The key is to try to not feel badly along the journey—or, as teachers, to somehow make students feel badly about their progress and achievements related to XY or Z. The twists and turns of life and learning are real so I see it like this:
We shouldn’t look back with regret if we strive to make reasoned decisions; take smart chances; do the right thing; and sustain meaningful relationships with people.
And as teachers, if we are prepared and ready to meet students where they are with amazing lessons filled with compelling/relevant music, delivered in a safe and welcoming educational environment, we should have no regrets about teaching because we gave it our all. Students deserve this—and I wish it for everyone.
Call to Action
A new academic year is a new opportunity to make our wishes for students come true. Not sure about you, but I want to look back on my work AND my student’s progress, development, and artistry in June—and have no regrets! Join me.
Thanks for indulging me with this post… Sometimes I like to pause and replay essential pedagogical ideas as reminders. Here are a few tracks about wishes and no regrets. Enjoy!
🎵 Marcin and Hayato Surmino “I Wish” (2025) Link to Track on Spotify
🎵 Goblin Quartet “No Regrets” (2024) Link to Track on Spotify
🎵 Hans Zimmer and Hector Pereira “No Regrets” (2009) Link to Track on Spotify
🎵 Randy Crawford and Joe Sample “No Regrets” (2009) Link to Track on Spotify
🎵 Laufey “I Wish You Love” (2021) Link to Track on Spotify